WHAT
HAPPENED TO ME??
Whilst growing up there are opportunities in
life that pass us by, things we don’t notice - faint
touches, moved treasures, the glimpses in the dark, feelings and
emotions - all taken away by the pressures and speed of day to
day life, work, marriage, children and not always in that order.
Then, as life moves on and slows down a
little you remember the feelings from childhood you thought were
long forgotten and remember the enjoyment and love from those
long gone earlier years: the long conversations with your special
friend no one could see, the warm feeling that came over you when
you grazed your knee or fell in the nettles - like a cuddle from
your mum who was not there, and best of all of never feeling
alone. Now, at that time of life when you feel life has
passed you by, you feel deep down that this is something in that
strange phenomena that your friends all disbelieve to your face
but quietly think to themselves they felt the same.
So you search for answers and you buy the
odd book, read the odd article and the spark of interest is re-ignited,
you buy some more books, you seek out more knowledge and the
spark becomes a flame, then as you grow within, the belief in
your soul becomes a warm feeling deep down inside. A feeling you
cannot seem to explain or express to anybody how you feel, and
the flame becomes a raging inferno.
Then comes the brushes with cobwebs that you know are not there, the shivers down the spine when there is no cold draught, the body chilling coldness of a presence at your side - but strangely you are not perturbed as you sense they are for you, as the love inside you is like an emotional funfair ride.
Next come the voices that you think you should know, telling you things you know makes sense but you still don’t follow that road they send you to. So you are told by a relative of this place down the road where those funny people go who are just like you.
“Oh great,” you say. “I am not one of them, I don’t go to church and I don’t believe as them.”
So you carry on as normal and put up with the nagging from the voices in your head and the dreams in your sleep, until you cannot stick it any more and curiosity kills the cat. You think there are worse fates than this, so you decide to go, but just in case you take some one with you and what better person than the person who suggested that you visit the people she labelled “who are just like you”.
So you walk
through those doors that look like big iron gates and look at the
people who all turn around and look, and you feel dread and
dismay. As you sit and look around the warm glow returns and you
start to feel light as you somehow belong. The service begins and
you try to sing along with a voice that sounds like a frog, but
as you relax and things move along, this old fellar at the front
says: “May I come to you friend?”
You turn around
and there is no one there because you had sat at the back and
there is nowhere to run, you grunt some sort of answer and he
carries on and gives you a colour and you don’t understand,
then a messages from out of thin air - but all the time deep down
inside you know they make sense and the answers are there.
So the next week
beckons and you go on your own just to see if it’s true and
will happen again. The man is not there and the songs are
different and you get in a thither as you don’t get them
right. As it goes on this old lady stands up in the front and
points straight at you: “Yes you, love,” she says (“Oh
I like doing the men!” she comments to her friend). There
you sit quivering deep down inside and can’t speak a word
because of the lump in your throat, but the kind words keep
flowing of friends over there and you think to yourself there is
truth in this thing they been telling you all your life. You walk
away in total belief of a Gran over there that is watching you
over here, because it’s not the words that were spoken but
in the way they were said with personality and emotion. So you
keep going and the feelings continue till you are approached by a
woman who says she “sees something in you - will you join
our circle?”
Now this is the
weirdest of things to happen as this has not occurred since loved
ones past over, so you shy away to think it over, and in yourself
you are overcome with emotion with a lump in your throat, but the
voices keep coming - pushing you along that road.
The week goes
around and you arrive at church to a packed evening. As you
find a place to sit, there are people there that you have not
seen before all whispering to each other: “she’s a good
one this is and the bloke is dead straight”. As the
night goes on and nearing the end and you think “Oh I am not
getting a message tonight. Mmm I wonder…" just at
the end as they sit down he stands back up and announces before I
finish: “Can anybody take a man who wants to speak to his
son THOMAS?” Talk about unable to speak it’s the one
secret nobody knows that you don’t go by your first name
only your middle name, even some of your relatives don’t
know! So you acknowledge and that’s it short and sweet
- no other words, long conversations, books or other messages
could validate what just happened. So with a feeling of belonging
and of someone willing to put trust in you, you agree to the
learning and of a road they have put you on.
So now many
months on, I have sat in circle and are learning the ways of
those who have passed before me, with respect and love of the
process so far. The wild mad dreams and head full of noise has
calmed to a whisper and a sense of those around. I have passed
messages of loved ones to a few friends around but am still
nervous of crowds and the unknown road ahead, yet determined to
follow the road I am on. My Gran is nagging on the right of
me now, with guides helping daily with confusing symbols that fly
at your sight located inside - the understanding is coming
to a fledgling in learning . All I can say is the love I have
felt is overwhelming inside. If I could just control the
emotions, nerves and my over eagerness to go forward (as they all
shout out to me “patience/control all in good time!”).
I have met many good people along the way some have become good
friends with one in particular my teacher and mentor (“God
she must be a angel”) Sandra and another I should mention -
Mike the medium who has taken me around different churches to
meet other like-minded friends and even had me up on the rostrum
and made me work - where I gave off my first successful message
to an audience (with a dry mouth, shaking legs and knocking
knees), which entitled me to tea and home-made Welsh cakes later!
Mmm, thank you Cwm Church!
All I can say is this: as of now I am happier, less confused and a lot better person to live with, even my wife says so. I truly believe in what I have learnt and am slowly understanding the deeper consequences of the process and how it can effect people. I like the psychic and mediumistic side of this but am strongly drawn to the healing as well so we will see what develops as time goes on. I have put up with all the jibes and jokes from workmates and people I thought were friends and have come through the family saying: “You! In church? You must be joking!” After they realized that I am serious, they have accepted it. Through mediums and friends I have been reunited with father, grandparents, family and friends who I now realize - although I miss the physical contact of them - are always around and are still a big influence in my daily life today. I just reach out and they are there. Don’t get me wrong, I still get emotional sometimes when getting a message but there again I’m that bad watching weepies on telly! A big thank you has to go to my guides who been through thick and thin and tantrums with me and just said: “Finished now, lets move on.”
So this is my
story as it is told so far (as I am now one of them that visit
that place) with now love in my heart as trust in me has been
put, to learn the ways and carry on as others have done. If I
help just one person then my job may be done but I don’t
think they let me off that easy, as the road I have come down, shall
I say, is quite different to the road that I know lies ahead.
LOVE &
HEALING TJ
19/20/21/22 /07/2007
23/24 /10/2007
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